Chaos in twilight
by Forever Gayle
Summary: This is just a collaboration with Pink Jhaynaiza about random twilight funnies that will leave you peeing youre pants because of laughing. p.s: me and Jhaynaiza are in the story too along with all the twilight characters! Rated M for foul language


A/N:

PLEASE DO NOT DRINK WATER WHILE READING THIS BECAUSE JHAYNAIZA NEARLY CHOKED ON WATER WHILE ACCIDENTALLY READING IT FORCING GAYLE-SAN DRAGGING HER TO THE CLINIC. (true story)

Gayle: Hello everyone! were gonna write something about stupid Jack asses playing poker and how they summon one saddistic phsyco and one innocent yet insanely powerful girl making their lives BURN like hell *laughs evilly* Im gonna enjoy torturing that dick.

Jhaynaiza: Oh no! Gayle-san cursed

Gayle: Like I don't

Jhaynaiza:never mind, this crack fic humour is inspired by me and Gayle-san sharing "jokes" during lunch breaks. Uh what's a dick?

Gayle:A dick is-

*Bella covers Gayle's mouth*

Bella: Don't ruin her innocence

Gayle: uncle! uncle! uncle!

Bella: Where did you learn that Jhayne?

Jhaynaiza: Facebook and Gayle-san!

Bella: *glares daggers at Gayle with her fangs showing*

Gayle: Have mercy

Jhaynaiza: While Bella-san is scolding Gayle-san for cursing Im gonna say the disclaimer part *clears throat*

DISCLAIMER : Gayle doesn't own Twilight and if she does she's gonna make it more "interesting" wonder what does that mean?

Gayle: Yeah, like Edward and Bella having wild sex

Bella: hell yeah we do! *slaps mouth* Jhayne? did you hear everything?

Jhaynaiza:*nodds head* um... what is wild sex? *thinks about wild animals* is it displayed at a zoo?

Gayle: *Laughs hysterically and faints*

Bella:dear God so help me

Chapter 1 - introduction No, more like the appearance of the troublemakers

At Jhaynaiza's pink Bedroom and sitting ontop of the red and pink bed with laptops and nutella

*only for Gayle since Jhaynaiza has a cough*

Jhaynaiza:Hey guys! Gayle-san is bored, stay away from her she scary when she is bored

Gayle:muwahahaha, with nothing to do, the devil's age (translation:Periodical Exams) are officially over! not being able to shop because of the stupid war, with my black pen on my paper and my laptop by my side... whose lives I shall screw turning it to hell from this moment on! *thinks about torturing a specific werewolf* Jhayne, let's go to the twilight world and give me more nutella

Jhaynaiza: NO no no no, remember last time in Narnia? you thought Aslan was food and you bit his tail because you thought it was spaghetti and I have to drag your butt into the portal for 60 days of running around like a phsyco only because you haven't ate enough nutella and accidentally LICKED garlic sticks and you were forever baned from Narnia?

*cough* What did I do to Gayle-san I just unleashed her sadistic side again on the poor werewolf* more coughs*

Gayle: I said Im sorry, they were all just cold hearted people and by the way Garlic sticks is Satan's food everyday

Jhaynaiza:because you almost ate their leader

Gayle: why, don't lions eat people too? therefore it is fair. Besides he tastes like chicken

Jhaynaiza: that's not how common sense works in Narnia

Gayle:Can we just please go to the twilight world, with sprinkles and smiles ontop

Jhaynaiza: NO! I refuse! the next thing I will know you already burned Jacob just to make smore's

Gayle: *smiles like a phsyco while holding a neck chain* actually that is not a bad idea

Jhaynaiza: Here we go again

*Gayle drags Jhaynaiza by her ankle chaining it to the portal*

AT THE CULLENS

(A/N this is set during eclipse! so that it will be more funny without Renesmee but we will drag her from the future back here to mess up with her future parents in the later chapters. So stick around or you will miss Jacob accidentally tripping on top of Edward and they look like they are making out *coughs* the bannana peel *coughs* was from*coughs* GAYLE *more coughs*)

P.s Jacob and the volturi and the others were playing poker and fighting and shouting about Jacob cheating ...

Jhaynaiza's soft voice :Run for your lives! if you want to live!

Emmett: Am I *hic* drunk already to *hic* hear *hiccup* voices?

(A/N: WE ARE IN THE STORY TOO YOU KNOW MESS THEIR worry there is no romantic relationship just screwed up randomness)

Alice: I hear them too you know... is it real? I can't see the vision, all I can see is a blurry girl laughing saddistically while making smores

Emmett: NOoooooooooooooooooooooo! were gonna be smore's! Im too handsome to die! *removes pants*

Jacob: *wolf whistle* *then realizes his mistake* I meant ewwwwww

Bella: Are you guys high or something?

Jhaynaiza's soft voice: please run if you want to live-KYYA! Gayle-san is coming to get you!

*everyone freezes*

Volturi:I sense a demon's aura...

Jacob:yeah,you sense yourself

Volturi:Im not joking *cowering in fear* Also there's a angel's aura near it.

Emmett: ANGEL CHOCOLATES I WANT ONE!

Bella: I'm not liking this at all...

*All lights turned off,lighting flashed then the candles burned _purple_ fire*

Edward: Im kinda liking this and what happened to that other voic-

Gayle's demonic thundering voice:MUAHAHAHAHA I OFFER THE TEMPTATION OF NEVER BEING BORED!

Emmett: spare me!

Carlisle:this isn't a joke isnt it? *twitches slightly*

Jhaynaiza's soft voice : Im so sorry you cannot anymore run away she got you trapped.

*then the windows started to darken turning into cement and the door became a very thick block of ice*

Esme:okay now Im scared

Jhaynaiza's soft voice: The only way to survive is never accept the tem-

Gayle's normal voice: shut up! don't tell them how to escape, Im not missing this once in a life time chance in killing a stupid guy!

Edward: *thinks about Jacob*

Jacob:*thinks about Edward*

Rosalie: *thinks about Edward and Jacob but mostly Emmett*

Jhaynaiza normal voice : You all lost your chance to escape oblivion Im sorry...

Alice: NO please! Don't leave us!

Gayle: accept the temptation maybe I will let you all off the hook... except for the stupid guy

Edward: Ofcourse we acc-

*Carlisle covers Edward's big and handsome mouth*

Volturi: Don't be stupid and hasty... remember the demon's voice said that he will kill one stupid guy... anyone of us guys might be his target

Gayle's demonic voice booms : IM NOT A BOY YOU BLOODY DIPSHIT!

*Fire appears on Volturi's head burning his hair (poor guy)*

Volturi: AHHHH! FIRE! Don't just stand their you idiots and get me a bucket of water! *rolls on the ground*

*Everyone looks at him as if he has grown 2 heads*

Gayle:they can't see the hell fire burning your hair moron! instead they only see you thrashing around like a stupid lunatic who has flees on his butt... HEY WHERE'S DID SHE GO? Wasn't she chained to the wall?

Jhaynaiza: Psst..Up here...guys... Dont tell her...

*Everyone looks up at the chandelier seeing a girl wearing a light pink dress and a diamond neklace hanging from a Chandelier they all look more hopeful than awestruck*

Bella : Aw how cute and help us!

Edward: where is she?

Jhaynaiza: *points at a small hole at the cemented window* Save yourselves before it's too late.

Gayle:I can see you... Jhayne

Emmett: *screams bloody murder instead of Jhaynaiza*

Rosalie:you idiot! now she knows where our saviour is now! *hits Emmett's head*

*Emmett runs like a bat out of hell to the hole and suddennly purple clouds covered the hole and Emmett got caught by an octopus' tentacle*

Emmett: *screams like a girl* Uncle! UNCLE!

Jacob: It's obvious he will be the one getting killed

Gayle: Think again stupid mutt

Edward:told you he was stupid

Jacob:what did I do? *cowers in fear*

Gayle:many things, now get ready for hell

*a 5'0 girl came out of the clouds wearing a yellow frilly sundress*

*everybody's eyes popped out of their sockets*

Everyone:She is the demon?

Gayle: Got a problem with that stupid mutt?

*Her eyes glowed devilishly into a shade of purple and nails became black with purple aura's surrounding it*

*First Jacob bursted out laughing then everyone followed while Jacob rolled on the floor*

*Jhaynaiza starts creating a forcefield muttering ''I guess death is much better for them''*

*Thunderstroms roared the building,the floor started cracking with fire blazing on of it,a dark luminous aura surrounded Gayle only her glowing eyes visible and everyone stopped laughing*

Gayle: Well you guys did ask for this...

**Censored for the lives of people not getting traumatized-**

Jacob: *screams bloody murder* UNCLEE!

Emmett: No my leg!

**innocent or perverted you dont want to see this.**

*The entire room was destroyed it was the perfect example of hell on earth*

Emmett:*crawls up in the sofa a huge snake attached into his head* uncle... *he muttered like a dying man *cough* vampire*

Bella: this was all your fault Jacob *laying on top of Edward*

Edward: I see the light Bella , oh and don't lay ontop of my groin cause Im getting hard and it's too painful to have sex at this moment

Alice: Jesus skateboarding christ Edward! we are almost dying and all you think about is getting laid!

Edward: hey you would do the sae thing if youre still a virgin in over a century until now

Rosalie: It's emmett fault for screaming like a fish vendor (A/N: no offence to fish vendors people)

Esme: never ever invite Jacob here again

Volturi: I will never think of poker night the same again *fell on his stomach*

Carlisle: I have a theory! shall I explain it

Everyone: Yes! for the love of God why didn't you mentioned it earlier?!

Carlisle: ask the girl in the pink dress for help *points at Jhaynaiza trying to make a portal*

Gayle: *still stabbing Jacob to a pulp* huh?! you think this is funny?! well let's see who's laughing now when I WILL RIP YOUR BALLS OUT OF IT'S HINGES! IF YOU DO HAVE ANY BALLS WHICH I ASSUMED NOT!

Jhaynaiza: THAT'S IT GAYLE-SAN TIME OUT! *Kicks Gayle to a portal then somebody shouted bloody murder in side the portal*

Gayle:*in the portal* Am I that hot,Bal-droy that your started screaming like a lunatic?

Bal-droy: OH MY GOD SHE'S BACK! RUN ! (A/N A character from Black Butler)

Gayle:I CAME IN JUST LIKE A WRECKING BALL!

*Portal closes*

Jhaynaiza: *Bows* Im so sorry but none of you heeded my warning so it happened.

Edward: For the first time I feel sorry for Jacob wait NO it's all his fault.

Everyone: *nods weakly then look at Jhaynaiza*

Jhaynaiza :Well then I guess I should heal you then explain *a soft light emerges from her necklace fixing everything even Jacob's unrecognizable corpse making him alive again*

Emmett: I can walk again!

Jhaynaiza : *Smiles* I should explain now that me and Gayle are staying with yo-

All: WHAT AND HELL NO!'' (Alice and Bella: Only you,cutie!)

Jhaynaiza: she's not that bad if you give her nutella, she hasn't ate enough nutella today so she became cranky

Everyone: NO!

Jhaynaiza: But there's no use Jacob and Emmett accepted the temptation by laughing and screaming like a pig.

*A crack in the Wall started to appear along side a muffled sound singing something*

*Everyone twitches and shouts bloody murder*

Everyone:GET THE NUTELLA!

''RZZZZZZZZZZZrzzzz''

*Gayle break the wall which is now a portal while clutching on a red chainsaw singing...

Gayle: I AM DANGEROUS! YEAH IM FUCKING DANGEROUS! WOOOOH!

Jhaynaiza: *Grabs Gayle's shoulders while Bella shoves nutella into Gayle's mouth*

Gayle: mmmmm Nutella! hey... didn't I became a demon again because Jacob took my Nutella while I was on my way to buy a wrecking ball...

*Everone tripple glares at Jacob*

Everyone except Jacob and Jhaynaiza: YOU!

Jacob: um look at the time... it's almost my cerfew gotta run and howl over the moon or something *laughs nervously*

*Jacob runs towards the door only too see it's still frozen*

Jhaynaiza: Moral lesson of the story never take I mean NEVER take Gayle's nutella away from her...

Jacob: AHHHHHHHHhhhhhhh *screams bloody murder. again*

Jhaynaiza: Well at-least there's still Nutella.

*Jacob runs past Gayle only to knock her Nutella *

Everyone: *freezes and screams like a rooster being slaughtered* NUTELLA! NUTELLA!

Gayle:* returns back to being a demon* Who is my first victim

*everyone points at Jacob*

Jhaynaiza:Here we go again *face palms*

Jacob: I see the light

**And the Twilight cast gains or is more like cursed with two new characters wonder how they will survive the chaotic author and her poor co-author...**

A/N:

Jhaynaiza: *busy bandaging a mummyfied version of Jacob*

Gayle: *changes soft badages to extremely rough sand paper*

Jhaynaiza: Gayle-san, I think he's got enough

Gayle: *shruggs* don't forget to sew and bandage his balls back though

Jhaynaiza: Ew... Im taking him to undertaker and can you give me back the chainsaw

Gayle:fine... anywho, my dear readers I just wan't to congratulate you for reading this far without choking on water like Jhaynaiza.

Please review and we will post more of this chaotic story of our extreme sarcastic tendencies.

since the devil's age has already passed *cough* periodical exams *cough* till next semester we get to update more often.

that is all and remember the next chapter is already done. I just have to wait for you guys to beg on your knees for more updates

Jhaynaiza: Gayle-san if you talk that way to them then they will never give you updates like santa never gives you presents

Gayle: It's not my fault he looked like a keso de bola (A/N: THIS IS CHEESEBALL IN SPANISH/CHAVACANO) so It was christmas and you finished the real keso de bola and I was still hungry and I saw him carrying my presents and I thought

hey, a cheeseball carrying my presents yippee! so I told him he was like a cheeseball and then he got mad and shoved the presents into my mouth because I attempted to bite him. Ever since that day I didn't see him again and Jhayne keeps on whining why she never gets gifts from santa but only secret admirers.

I don't know why she hates her suitors gifts I mean come on! an I pad? a diamond ring? a car? a hybrid one too. and even a mansion which I graciously took saying that Im her mother and I wouldn't give my blessing if he doesn't hand it to me. The old fool trusted me and what a relief because I thought he can read through my lie he was a lawyer after all.

Jhaynaiza: Just let me live in it when it's summer.

*Jacob wakes up and sees Gayle and screams a muffled bloody murder only to crawl away like a bagworm.*

Jhaynaiza: Wait I haven't brought him to undertaker to sew his balls back 

Gayle:Let him be, Im kinda enjoying this

THE END? ONLY FOR NOW HEHEEHE KEEP THOSE REVIEWS COMING!


End file.
